So it's 1:26am and I can't sleep. I ate a sleeve (yes a complete sleeve) of chips Ahoy cookies. And then I proceeded to go to sleep. Now I'm wide awake with a tummy ache pondering life. Not really depressed about anything, just thinking.
I should have done my bible study, but I was too exhausted to think. So this is my punishment; i.e I am wide awake. I was caught up today in the whole HR thing and people giving their feedback on "the work situation". Right now I'm so conviced that they think me insane that I just hope I have a job down the road. Something is going on as there is a big meeting on Friday. I am so hoping they lay me off. Severence is kick ass and I just might be able to movie back to north. Woohoo. Think of it, I actually am looking forward to moving back to family dsyfunction.
Just took some nasal spray and zytec, - I hope sleepy land is not far off. In the meantime I will let you in on my thoughts as I had my t-doc today.
1. I largely base my behavior, i.e. whether I should be happy, sad, indifferent based on the behaviours of others. If they are happy then I am happy; if they are sad than I am sad. This is so not healthy and speaks largely of co-dependency.
2. I was thinking of joining OE. Maybe it would provide a support group for me and issues of food. Maybe this way I could loose weight and feel good about myself.
3. I am truly not taking care of myself. For the past 4 years I have lived on fast food, coke and carb highs to function through the good and bad times. I also have not been consistent about exercising. I know for a fact that when I exercise I feel so much better about myself.
4. I love to cook, I just hate cooking for myself; It's probably because I am always cooking too much.
5. I've got to stop the really self hate dialogue.
6. I have the deer in headlights syndrome big time. My deer is sort of iconoclastic though see above. It probably come from 9+ years in working in the financial world.
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