I can't sleep as usual. Dr has given me Rozerem. What a joke!
Anyhoot. I went to the gym today. It felt great. I wanted to go earlier except that I had to wait for the Gas and Electric man to show up. He eventually got here at 11:00pm. Mom was rather pissed.
On an aside note, Grandmother is doing okay from double mastectomy. They already put her in a Rehab facility. Mom is quite wound up about it.
Me I think God is control. I pray to him and let the chips fall where they may.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Monday, June 8, 2009
My Imix work out music
for when you just need some angry music to help you get through 60 minute of cardio:
Cleaning out My Closet - Eminem
Get Low - Little John and East Side Boyz
Gold Digger - Kanye West
Hard Knock Life - Jay Z
I am God -Toby Mac and Kirk Franklin
It Takes Two - Rob Base
I Can Change -John Legend
Just Lose it - Eminem
Killing Me Softly -Fugees
Lean Back - Terror Squad
Let me Clear my Throat - DJ Kool
Make it Clap - Busta Rhymes
Oops - Tweet
Pon de Play - Rihanna
Ruffneck - McLyte
Can I get a .. Jay Z
8 Mile - Eminem
Senorita - Justin Timberlake
Single Ladies - Beyonce
Stan - Eminem and Dido
Sweet Dreams - The Eurythmics
Where my Girls at -702
California Love - Tupac
Give it to Me - Timbaland
Funky Cold Medina - Tone Loc
Cleaning out My Closet - Eminem
Get Low - Little John and East Side Boyz
Gold Digger - Kanye West
Hard Knock Life - Jay Z
I am God -Toby Mac and Kirk Franklin
It Takes Two - Rob Base
I Can Change -John Legend
Just Lose it - Eminem
Killing Me Softly -Fugees
Lean Back - Terror Squad
Let me Clear my Throat - DJ Kool
Make it Clap - Busta Rhymes
Oops - Tweet
Pon de Play - Rihanna
Ruffneck - McLyte
Can I get a .. Jay Z
8 Mile - Eminem
Senorita - Justin Timberlake
Single Ladies - Beyonce
Stan - Eminem and Dido
Sweet Dreams - The Eurythmics
Where my Girls at -702
California Love - Tupac
Give it to Me - Timbaland
Funky Cold Medina - Tone Loc
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Bingo Musings
Okay being the good granddaughter that I am, I took my Grandmother out to Bingo tonight. She's been sick and hasn't been in a really long time. Let me tell you I am feeling all washed up. Here are some random bingo musings.
1. If you think you have Bingo - you better be sure. Because if you call it and you don't have it, the penalty is death by dobb marker.
2. 0 66 is a magical number. My grandmother toots a little horn she brings in with her anytime its called.
3. Bingo is expensive. 60 bucks for both of us to play and neither one of us won anything.
4. For me, trying to play 9 cards is trying to play 6 cards too many. Some how my Grandmother manages to play 12 and then still point out numbers I missed. After working 8 hours and then trying to play this silly game, it's all I can do mark the free space.
5. There's not just one type of bingo: there's a layer cake, a cross, a T, a kite, leo's hat -just to name of few -and you better know how these work or else.
6. Speaking of free space, people methodically check this space off, like they are gaining something by doing so. It's free -does it matter in the grand scheme of things?
7. I played 30 games of bingo tonight lasting 3 hours. My eyeballs are dried out.
8. Bingo does not start until 6:30. My grandmother had me come get her for 4:30 so she could get a space. (People hold spaces you know). She was a little upset that someone was sitting in her space. Mind you she hasn't been to bingo in about 8 months but she let the women sitting in her space know that she used to sit there.
9. Bingo is place to talk about whose died, whose dying and whose broken body parts.
10. Bingo balls are drawn randomly via a bingo air machine. But let me tell you - if two consecutive number are drawn under the same letter, it starts the crowd rumbling conspiracy theory.
11. My grandmother can cut through a Bingo crowd in her electric wheelchair like a Zambonie in the second quarter Stanley cup action.
12. Bingo is not limited by age, sex or gender. There were people there from all walks of life.
13. Besides the regular games, they have these bonus games called "Bingo nuts". I figure between those and the regular games we probably spent a good 80 dollars; she more so than me.
1. If you think you have Bingo - you better be sure. Because if you call it and you don't have it, the penalty is death by dobb marker.
2. 0 66 is a magical number. My grandmother toots a little horn she brings in with her anytime its called.
3. Bingo is expensive. 60 bucks for both of us to play and neither one of us won anything.
4. For me, trying to play 9 cards is trying to play 6 cards too many. Some how my Grandmother manages to play 12 and then still point out numbers I missed. After working 8 hours and then trying to play this silly game, it's all I can do mark the free space.
5. There's not just one type of bingo: there's a layer cake, a cross, a T, a kite, leo's hat -just to name of few -and you better know how these work or else.
6. Speaking of free space, people methodically check this space off, like they are gaining something by doing so. It's free -does it matter in the grand scheme of things?
7. I played 30 games of bingo tonight lasting 3 hours. My eyeballs are dried out.
8. Bingo does not start until 6:30. My grandmother had me come get her for 4:30 so she could get a space. (People hold spaces you know). She was a little upset that someone was sitting in her space. Mind you she hasn't been to bingo in about 8 months but she let the women sitting in her space know that she used to sit there.
9. Bingo is place to talk about whose died, whose dying and whose broken body parts.
10. Bingo balls are drawn randomly via a bingo air machine. But let me tell you - if two consecutive number are drawn under the same letter, it starts the crowd rumbling conspiracy theory.
11. My grandmother can cut through a Bingo crowd in her electric wheelchair like a Zambonie in the second quarter Stanley cup action.
12. Bingo is not limited by age, sex or gender. There were people there from all walks of life.
13. Besides the regular games, they have these bonus games called "Bingo nuts". I figure between those and the regular games we probably spent a good 80 dollars; she more so than me.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
The fan
is driving me fucking crazy. It sounds like something is caught in it.
I want to knock on it to see I can shake loose what ever is causing it to vibrate.
I want to knock on it to see I can shake loose what ever is causing it to vibrate.
why is it when
I decide that I'm going to try something new to better myself that enemy comes so strong and attacks all things about my sense of self?
Example- I decide I'm going to go on a diet and for some reason that day will be one of the most stressfull days ever.
I guess what's on my mind is the most these days is when things go bad at work. It is nowhere near the way it use to be at my old job. But the following things get my goat:
1. Trying to give advice to people when I don't understand what I am saying myself. I hate it when I have to put a caller on hold and ask questions. I feel like a dumb mouthpiece who doesn't have a brain in her head.
2. Doing cancellations. There are so many steps and it bores the living crap out me.
3. People who can't fill out forms or fill them out wrong. Then they sit in my queue and eat up space.
4. More than 15 tickets in my box.
5. New device request and having to put inventory in.
6. CAR forms
7. Trying to figure out who is elgible in any other department beside SG. They have these rules that appear to be completely random.
8. People who don't pick up the phone. Specifically Janet. She doesn't pick it up half as much as other do.
9. The lack of thought or possibly lack of respect that my boss gives our positions.
10. The back stabbing, backbiting spirit that is among all them.
11. the swearing.
7.
Example- I decide I'm going to go on a diet and for some reason that day will be one of the most stressfull days ever.
I guess what's on my mind is the most these days is when things go bad at work. It is nowhere near the way it use to be at my old job. But the following things get my goat:
1. Trying to give advice to people when I don't understand what I am saying myself. I hate it when I have to put a caller on hold and ask questions. I feel like a dumb mouthpiece who doesn't have a brain in her head.
2. Doing cancellations. There are so many steps and it bores the living crap out me.
3. People who can't fill out forms or fill them out wrong. Then they sit in my queue and eat up space.
4. More than 15 tickets in my box.
5. New device request and having to put inventory in.
6. CAR forms
7. Trying to figure out who is elgible in any other department beside SG. They have these rules that appear to be completely random.
8. People who don't pick up the phone. Specifically Janet. She doesn't pick it up half as much as other do.
9. The lack of thought or possibly lack of respect that my boss gives our positions.
10. The back stabbing, backbiting spirit that is among all them.
11. the swearing.
7.
Home alone
Home alone in this apartment.
It's not anything new. I should be used to it by now. But for some reason there's a foreboding about it.
My mind can't wrap itself around things these days. I get stuck trying to figure things out. I can't contemplate anything.
I felt like there was this one day when things changed and if only I could go back to that day things would be different.
Do I have to fight my way out of this or do I have to figure out a new way of being. I feel like I have lost the ability to be honest with myself.
It's not anything new. I should be used to it by now. But for some reason there's a foreboding about it.
My mind can't wrap itself around things these days. I get stuck trying to figure things out. I can't contemplate anything.
I felt like there was this one day when things changed and if only I could go back to that day things would be different.
Do I have to fight my way out of this or do I have to figure out a new way of being. I feel like I have lost the ability to be honest with myself.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Losing it
I think I've lost it.
A part me that used to love to read. Now when I try to read, I get one paragraph into something and I start to hyperventilate. I can't wait to get to the end of the paragraph. I lose focus and have to read the paragraph over again. I'm not sure if it's just the advent of facebook and the internet that has created a soundbite mentality within me.
I think part of me gets caught up with what it's like to feel numb. To be numb. I need to stop this if I want to have a productive life.
I go up and down on an emotional roller coaster. It needs to stop.
A part me that used to love to read. Now when I try to read, I get one paragraph into something and I start to hyperventilate. I can't wait to get to the end of the paragraph. I lose focus and have to read the paragraph over again. I'm not sure if it's just the advent of facebook and the internet that has created a soundbite mentality within me.
I think part of me gets caught up with what it's like to feel numb. To be numb. I need to stop this if I want to have a productive life.
I go up and down on an emotional roller coaster. It needs to stop.
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