I wonder if this is what Mania feels like.

So I've been taking these caffeine pills in the morning to help my thoughts clear so. I am so not a morning person. Well, let me tell you - I am humming all day long. It's not a bad thing except for when I want to go to sleep. I can't shut down. I am hoping exercise helps that some. Like right now it's 1am and I have to be out the door by 7:45 and I know I am going to be hurting tomorrow. But um oh well.

Problem.

I started the day with a phone call from my brother. He called me to see how my car was doing. I told him that I was going to Walmart to get a new battery because I thought that would solve the stalling problem. I was able to start the car and drive it over there, but as soon as I got the car near the bay of the shop and turned it of, it wouldn't turn back on.

Turns out that I didn't have a battery problem but I had an alternator problem and Walmart doesn't fix alternators. So then I called my brother who said he had a friend who could fix my alternator. I then had to have my car towed home so it could be worked on. I don't know if because I was menstrual but the tow truck driver was hot with his beard and all.

My brother came over with his friend and proceeded to change out my alternator. Did I mention is friend was cute? Course I find out through all our talking that his friend just got out of jail. Hmm, gotta love the rough neck. With parts and labor, the whole thing cost me about 150 bucks.

My problem is as follows. Everything on the car is working fine, except now my speedometer will not work. Should I call him back and say hey come fix this, or that looking a gift horse in the mouth?
Send t

I'm overtired.

I got back from Volleyball over an hour go and I'm extremely overtired and yet I am still contemplating life. I'm thinking about the lack of job in Western Mass. I guess it's the same everywhere. I'm trying to remember to be thankful despite all this. I'm trying to keep my thoughts cohesive and not on a runaway train to pityville.

Some of things that I'm working on:

1. I have to get over my perfectionist tendencies when it comes to cleaning and taking care of myself. I mean come on now. I am such an all or nothing chica that it gets in my way.
2. Boys, yes I said it, boys. Not men. I've been fixated on the random boys that are part of my volleyball league. They are at least 10 years younger. I so feel like pedophile.
3. Debt. I am so sick of it. I need a second job yet at the same time I enjoy nights like tonight where I can just play really good volleyball, break a good sweat and fellowship with people.
4. I'm definitely going to be overtired tomorrow. How do I function at optimal levels at work?
5. I need to learn to let go of things. I hold on to everything.

Things I know for sure these days and other Random stuff.

1. You can be right or you can be happy; The two are often mutual exclusive.
2. Your emotions will lie to you every time.
3. Do or do not, there is no try.
4. It's just another emotional blip.
5. I need to stop being the victim.
6. Jesus loves me
7. I need to start caring for myself these days.
8. I spend way too much time on facebook.
9. I feel so insecure. I'm not sure what will make that better.
10. I learned a lot through Bible study tonight. I learned that I need to mourn for a period of time and then move on. One can only be the victim for so long.
11. I need to remember that there are choices and actions that can be taken at every turn in life. And that I should not allow hindsight to be such a crippling factor in the choices that I make.

It's Late.

It's late and I can't sleep.

I'm really not in a bad mood, per se or even in a depressed mood. Right now I'm thinking about what I want to be when I grow up. I was thinking of going back to school for something like computer science. This would accomplish two things: It would allow me to defer my student loans, and it would allow me earn more money doing something that would allow me to get out debt quicker.

Then there's this part of me that that is the idealist that wants everything to be seen with rose colored glasses. That wants to beat the law of averages. But I know it's going to take a lot of hard work for everything to come out okay.

Take for example me applying for a position of FNS. This play is totally ghetto fabulous. I walk up to the entrance of the place and people are chain smoking Malboro lights like they are going out of style. All the people their look worn down by life and not too well put together. Those that were applying for a job came in Shorts and sneakers! What, pray tell, is that out all about? People just don't act right sometimes.

concerts I've been to

1. Spyro Gyro ( I was like 5)
2. SOS band
3. Markie Mark and the Funky Bunch
4. Take 6
5. Aerosmith
6. New Kids on the Block
7. Lynnard Skinnard
8. Jill Scott
9. India Arie
10. Wycleff
11. Wu Tang Clang
12. Violent Femmes
13. BB King

Saw Jules and Julia this weekend

Makes me want to start blogging again. Also makes me wonder if anyone reads what I write? Am I just the random girl? Well let's have a go at it, Shall we?

1. I like lists, they are for the most part nice and neat and they have a definite beginning and end.

2. Sour cream and onion potato chips are addicting but leave a really bad after taste on your tongue.

3. The worst thing is trying to cook in a really small kitchen.

4. I hate waiting to hear back regarding my dream job. If I don't get it, what kind of shape will I be in?

5. Rozerem = dream land

6. What if my doctor doesn't want to help me out by giving me samples? I know she doesn't believe in them but heck I really need them.

7. I really wouldn't mind having my own apartment.

8. I really do enjoy cooking.

9. Sneezing makes my whole body ache in this bed.

10. I wish I could finish a book these days. I started the Twilight Series and I can't finish it.

11. Anytime I lay down to rest, almost immediately I have to get up to go to the bathroom.

12. I will have to go to store tomorrow to get my Grandmother her cookies, her paper and watch a movie with her.

13. Gonna go see Funny People tomorrow. I hope it turns out to be good.