Serenity

A lot has changed sinced the last time I wrote. I have come to the realization that I have an eating disorder. This eating disorder is going to kill me if I don't take some actions. I am working with a sponsor to try and deal with some of these demons. God I offer myself to the to build with me and to do with me thou wilt. God what the heck could you build with me today? I really have been a gym rat today. I really haven't done much serving others. I just wanted to move. It makesme feel so strong. Would you have me be a house wife for the for rest of my life? How am I going to make money to live. So many thoughts that I strive to run from. Today I did crossfit and walked 3.2 miles. Have I meditated? NO. Have I prayed No. I just feel like my sponsor is going to drop me. God what can you do with this willful child. I really feel like I have to make an ammend with this tupperware situation. I know it sounds completely hokey. It's the only thing that comes to mind. Relieve me of the bondage of self I have thoughts that are just about me and Gosh I want that to stop. I really don't want to call that person about the yarn. I just have these weird boundaries. Church and me are distant these days. I know draw near to him and he will draw near to me. Blah Blah. Perhaps I should do my bible study for next week. It will be the fourth week that I don't go. that I may better do Thy will Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness of those that I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love and Thy way of life. May I do thy will always My difficulties are my thoughts of myself. It's not doing what my husband would have me do. He would want me connect more with other people.

https://www.quikly.com/dominos/s/ZLVNZgqV?utm_content=blogger

grandma has died

and I have chose to numb with reality tv and amazon prime. I will probably end up flunking out of graduate school. I have been suspended from work. It's like life just keeps getting better.

Cycling

is a lot like riding a bike.
Sometimes you are up
Sometimes you are down.
Regardless you must pedal

Pedaling is easier depending on the gear you are in.
Sometimes you pedal and go nowhere.
Sometimes you pedal and see the world in front of your eyes
Just at a hand brake's distance.

sometimes,
the wind cut at you and tries to keep you down.
Other times it's at your back pushing you along.

Regardless you must pedal,

I need to learn to enjoy the ride
and not to try to control things.

Maybe I should get a bike
and do a new type of
cycling.

because I'm a huge hypocrite

So I was multitasking hardcore today doing my usual of surfing the internet and watching television when I took notice of the all the applications on my desktop. There were at least 4 columns of them. It made me realize I needed to do some "housecleaning" as I didn't think that I had installed so much stuff on my computer. I started to delete this one icon call "Network" when I realized this might not be a good thing as it might mess up my internet connection. So I double click on it and realize there's some dude named "Gerald Household" who has decided to set up a NETWORK WITH MY MODEM!!!!.

For you layman/women, someone is using my internet for free and has hacked my puter! Now I knew I had an unsecured connection but I couldn't believe someone would have the audacity to put an icon on my desktop. By this time I am fuming.

So I go into my network utilities and figure out how secure the connection. Previously I had tried to do this manually, but had only managed to screw up some socket connection. HP has this utility to do it for you in a point in click fashion which made it really easy. As J would put it, I just created a really effective cock block. Or I prefer to say I "oshun'd" it.

However these actions make me feel like a hypocrite. Why you ask? Because I am such an internet/wifi hacker myself. If while I'm traveling I find a free internet spot, I am all over it. But personally I don't want to share my stuff. Partly it is a fear of viruses, partly it is a fear of someone stealing my financial info. Partly I don't want people to steal my music.

For me it was the boldness of the other person's actions coupled with the fact that I pay 50 bucks month for high speed. I felt such as strong sense of justice and someone to knock on my door and ask for me to give the key so they could be added back into the network. It hasn't happened yet, but you never know.. tee hee.

I would only charge them 20 bucks a month for the connection. After all, this is a free market society.

AMITYVILLE: MEET JACKSONVILLE

because I can't make these things up. I'm no longer in denial that I live in South. ">

Hohum

Let's see

1. Woke up at 8:30. Went tag saling - only found one item; the 10 commandments for .50 cents. It was really ugly on a piece of wooden board. Removed board and now the shiny part is hanging in my living room. it fits the decor nicely

2. Bought metal screws in effort to rehang spare bedroom door. Screws too small; must go back to Loew's: crap.

3. Used electric screwdriver to tighten own shower bar. Also drilled holes for plant hangers. (oooo, aahh, oooo, ahhh which translates to I love power tools)-said in her best Tim Allen grunt voice

4. Uploaded 20+ cds in effor to convert whole cd collection on to computer. Figured out which one I was going sell on half.com. I realized I have ecclectic crappy taste. Here's a sample of what I loaded: swv, dido, james brown and motown box set.

5. Made banging spaghetti sauce to freeze for meals during the week.

6. Decided that being a bartender is not the best choice for a second job. It's the whole brother's keeper thing.

7. Went miniature golfing and got my but kicked playing air hockey. Got my but kicked by all, which either tells me J sucked or I am slipping big time.

8. Went to Mojo's Kitchen. Absolutely slamming barbecue. That is a lot coming from me who has this thing abour barbecue sauce being on the table rather than having the food be cooked in it.

9.Possibly purposely avoided J. oh well....

10. Came home with a content belly and started this blog... yeah Jenny.